| (no subject) |
[Apr. 25th, 2005|04:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  rut rut rut rut rut | ] |
Okay. I admit it. I'm in a rut. A huge rut.
Would somebody please be kind enough to help me out here?
-spinner |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 21st, 2005|07:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
Day to day life has turned into the most boring cycle I have ever experienced.
I wake up, I go to school, I see Marco and I skip the rest of the day I go home, I do homework, I eat dinner, I go to sleep. Repeat in seven to ten hours.
Three times I a week, between going home and doing homework, I go see Doctor Baxter and she takes notes while I ramble on about Marco everything. And then she sends me home, and the cycle is renewed.
This sucks.
-Spinner |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 15th, 2005|08:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Linkin Park, of all things. | ] |
I've gotten really good at pretending.
I'd probably try to kill myself tonight if I wasn't already seeing a therapist three times a week.
he probably wouldn't even care. At all.
This wouldn't be happening if I'd succeeded the first time. Everything would be alot easier if I wasn't such a screw up.
-Spinner |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 14th, 2005|10:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | fucked | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Needle in the Hay" Elliott Smith | ] |
Your hand on his arm
The hay stack charm around your neck
Strung out and thin
Calling some friend trying to cash some check
He’s acting dumb
That’s what you’ve come to expect
( Needle in the hay )
FUCK |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 14th, 2005|12:16 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  introspective | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Light&Magic" | ] |
Sometimes I really do hate myself.
I hate it when I think too much.
Like when I think about how, maybe the reason he's so uphappy right now is because of me. Because he's with me.
And then I start to think the worst thought of all.
If he's so unhappy because of me, would he be happier, would he be the old Marco, if he were with Dylan again?
It's that thought that I lie awake at night mulling over. It's that thought that makes me pretend that I don't care that they kissed each other behind my back. Because, as much as it would hurt me to lose him, if he would be happier with Dylan, I'd let him go.
Because I just want him to be happy. Like I'm sure everyone else wants him to be happy.
And if he needs to leave me to do it, then I'll gladly spend the next couple of weeks crying at night.
And if he won't do it, I will. I'll give him the choice.
Marco, can we talk? |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2005|06:32 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
So, it looks like we've worked everything out only not at all. nothing's worked out. there's something wrong with him, he's not himself anymore and I miss it..
My sincere apologies to Marco and Dylan. Accidents happen I just hope that they're not still happening.
School sucks, as always. and what about those jocks? I hope they're not still giving him hell. I will not hesitate to hurt them.
I'm bored.
-Spinn |
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|
| Ficlet time whee! |
[Apr. 8th, 2005|09:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | "Cupid's Trick" Elliott Smith | ] |
Cupid's trick comes down to shake and deal
the stupid kick that makes me real
( should've died ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 8th, 2005|08:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | depressed | ] |
Embrace the emo, then let it go.
Because it hurts way too damn much.
I'm not even me anymore. the old me would have been pissed. not depressed as hell.
Shit.
-Spinner |
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|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|07:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
I'm worried about Marco. I'm afraid I've done something wrong, or something has happened to him, or something.
Yeah, I'm a worry wart (I sound like my mother), but still. He hasn't talked to me in days now. I only barely see him in the halls.
I miss him.
I hope he isn't angry with me.
I've been so bored recently.
And I don't feel so well.
-Spinner |
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